SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY

24 12 2006
MERRY MOTHERF&^%ING CHRISTMAS!!!

Here is a link to the Britney Spears sex tape. It’s pretty awful. just her blowing the help [Federline] and doing a pretty mediocre job.
http://www.pornotube.com/media.php?m=86812

FOOTBALL NEWS:

VICK BECOMES FIRST QB TO RUSH FOR OVER 1,000 YARDS.

And I am still not impressed. Remember when Vick was the next coming of Jesus Christ? An athlete so gifted that everyone was willing to bow down and pay homage to this charlatan. He sucks and the Falcons suck too. (http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=ap-falcons-vickmilestone&prov=ap&type=lgns)
THE LATEST BILL SIMMONS FOR YOU:
Arguably the most insightful and culturally knowledgeable sports writer working today. He can make anyone who grew up with a slice of Americana understand what’s happening. http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/061221
STAR PUUP
I got nothin’ I ain’t gonna lie.
Alright, it’s been a long week and I have to get to writing (not this blog, other stuff), so once again, have a Merry F%^&ing Christmas.
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THE REAL WORD OF THE YEAR

24 12 2006

WORD OF THE YEAR
Stephen Colbert is being lauded for creating the word “truthiness” and bringing it into the American vernacular. That’s fine and dandy, but it’s no word of the year. TBC is proud to announce the TRUE word of the year: Sugar-Tits. It’s hyphenated and that’s why it is the word of the year. It’s a noun and it is awesome. To fully understand the true effects that this word has, go ahead and say it to someone whom you have not seen naked. See how they respond.

NOW LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.

WEED CHURCH IN DANGER OF GOING UP IN SMOKE.
Craig X, leader of the now disabled Temple 420 at the end of Hollywood Boulevard (towards the La Brea side) has put his arrest video on YouTube. I am proud to say that I know most of the crack-heads who appear on his video in defense/praise of their temporarily incarcerated and probably out-of-business [internet ordained] reverend. The women who appear on the video (if you really want to call them that) have tried to have sex with me, I think, but I am proud to say that I remain sane and disease-free. Anyway, here’s a link (http://youtube.com/watch?v=Mw8W4wJcGOg) and try to make it through the whole thing.

Here’s another link (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=193487043675339344&q=craigx) detailing Craig X’s presidential run, err, if you want to dignify it that way. I cannot for the life of me find a suitable picture of this guy, so you’ll just have to take a look and see for yourself.

ATTENTION ALL DRUNKEN FRAT BOYS
Go to Tuckermax.com if you are at all interested in stories about a guy who f&^s a lot of gorgeous women and sticks his *^&$ in a lot of random places. These exploits are totally tasteless and one is bound to read about a lot of different bodily fluids; that being said, I could not endorse anything more.

STAR PUUP

Not much doing these days, there is no one to “out,” women seem to be getting photographed wearing underwear. McConaughey’s arms are still way too short for his body. It’s been a bad week for the Puup.

SPORTS & LEISURE

The Armed Forces Bowl airs tonight. No one cares and after a while I begin to wonder why the hell these schools even put their programs in bad games such as this one. Is money more important than dignity? The answer is apparently yes. Now being “bowl eligible” means simply one thing: you finished the season with a winning record…for most teams, that means you need 6 wins in order to be able to play for x amount of dollars at the garbage.com bowl. Even these other games which are of a higher profile and usually played after the new year begins have NO meaning. Aside from the championship game, I cannot for the life of me understand why advertisers pay hundreds of millions of dollars to see the teams unworthy of being in a championship play for…pride? Cause they certainly are not playing for a title of any consequence, not unless you count that particular bowl game’s championship trophy. ENOUGH WITH THE BOWLS, they make me sick and no one gets it; this is just capitalism’s way of giving you more stuff that you don’t need but are somehow convinced matters in your life. It doesn’t matter if USC and Michigan play in the Rose Bowl this year because who really cares about being 4th at the end of the year. A tourney is the only solution and it would officially be the biggest sporting event in the world. It would blow the limbs off of march madness and it could be done in a fraction of the time and cost. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT ADVERTISERS WOULD STILL GET TO ACTION PACK THEIR MESSAGES AND SELL YOU STUFF WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE OR CONSENT.

Goodnight,

Holden Barbarossa.





ATTACK OF THE GIANT SQUID

22 12 2006
GIANT SQUID CAUGHT ON TAPE, WORLD SAFE AGAIN…ERR, NOT REALLY.

The world’s largest living invertebrate, the elusive Giant Squid was videod ALIVE for the first time not but one day ago. I have seen photos of a living GS on the Discovery Channel, but nothing could compare to viewing this 24 foot monster thrash and flail for it’s life in the name of scientific accolades (http://news.yahoo.com/video/2462/pg:2 and scroll down till you find the link). The only remaining problem concerning the GS is finding a deep frier large enough to accomodate.

IVERSON SET TO ARRIVE IN DENVER, COINCIDENTALLY GANG VIOLENCE RISES 3000% IN ROCKY MOUNTAINS REGION

Allen Iverson – ‘A.I.’ to some, ‘The Answer’ (although I have never been quite sure of the question of which) to others is set to be in the starting lineup tonight against Sacramento. I honestly thought that my beloved Knicks (embarrassed to say it) were going to get him because that’s exactly what the Knicks do not need: a shoot-first, selfish point guard who cannot distribute the ball to save Tupac’s life. The Knicks already boast the poor-man’s Iverson with Marbury, but I am getting off topic. Philly, your one true hero is gone, maybe Rocky VII will get better reviews than the current flick; for now DRINK UP SHRINERS!!!

D-TRAIN HERKY-JERKY BEHIND THE WHEEL AND ON THE MOUND.

Dontrelle ‘D-Train’ Willis was caught driving drunk in Miami this morning. He will now be called the DUI-Train (http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2705991). I don’t think this qualifies as “Star Puup” because outside of baseball, no one knows who this guy truly is. I will tell you who he is: he’s the guy the M^%$ERFU#^ING METS should be trying to get instead of Barry Zito. Drunk or not, I like his chances better than I do Zito’s, if for the simple reason that Zito is a laid-back California surfer. That may fly-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay in Oaktown but when you come to NY you gotta have the intensity of a bobcat and the “hide of elephont.” (If anyone knows that reference, you are wiser than most).

NOW IT’S TIME FOR….STAR PUUP

The following person(s) or people like dudes:

Why are these two fools getting “outed?” Well for one, they both preach a creepy, incoherent psychobabble morality. I really hate it when people tell me how to think, especially when they are both raving lunatics. There are plenty of other photos I could have posted, but I don’t need to yet, because none of them have tried to influence my life.

A GREAT SITE FOR ANYONE LOOKING TO TAKE FAMOUS PEOPLE DOWN A PEG.

www.awfulplasticsurgery.com – not only are they not real, but if you watch enough TLC you can tell how many CC’s were implanted and if the surgeon went through the navel. I love this country.

EDITOR’S NOTE:

This is the first post in which I think the posted photos will be visible and every day we (right now it’s just the Royal We, but soon that will change) are going to try to make your life a little funnier. This blog was set up so that we could laugh at the world around us if only to laugh so that we can all avoid crying. I hope that in the near future the world will change, but in the meantime this is what we’ve got.

Dutifully yours,

Holden ‘ZZ’ Barbarossa.





VOMITING ON MY CARPET

21 12 2006

Went to happy hour at Red Rock on Sunset with the roommate last night. 4 Red Stripes, 3 shots of whiskey and 4 car bombs later we ended up back home where the roommate proceeded to vomit all over the floor/pull his Jimi Hendrix impersonation. I was amused, especially because I didn’t have to clean it up [Thank you to the person who did, you know who you are] and today I have woken up in a stupor.

Let’s get to some Star Puup.

Huey Lewis’ dong makes news of its own
Huey Lewis has the largest penis in rock n’ roll. Don’t ask me how I know this. Conversely, Peter f&^ing Frampton has the smallest. This is all from the mouth of one groupie in particular who has claimed to have slept with over 1,400 rock n’ rollers. There is no link, I just thought you should know.

For a list of moviestars who are hiding their baldness (I’M TALKIN’ BOUT YOU AFFLECK) go here. I think the information is pretty good although sometimes, it’s hard to tell.
http://www.moviestar.nu/articles/baldmoviestarsenglish.html

Michael Richards. Welcome to the HALL OF INFAMY, where you’ll get to hang out with the likes of Princess Di, Stalin, Hitler, , Osama, and everyone in the 109th Congress. Ladies and Gentlemen, the founding members. New inductees Kim Jong Il will make a speech in the new year along with Former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld who will sing a song inspired by John Ashcroft.

SPORTS NEWS:

I miss the old Knicks when Jesus-loving Jew-hating Charlie Ward and Alan Houston were on the team, apparently Jesus was kind of on our side back then. Jeff Van Gundy had an understanding of the tenets of coaching basketball and hung off of Alonzo Mourning’s leg like a jockey falling off a horse and even that was awesome. Now they are the worst franchise in all of professional sports.





Welcome

20 12 2006

Welcome to TBC! This is my initial post and let’s avoid confusion off the bat: the “Brain Cloud” to which I refer is the city of Los Angeles. It’s a well-known fact that upon entering the city limits, no matter who you are, or who you think you are, your I.Q. drops at least 30 points…it must be the smog. I first heard of this cloud on wordplayer.com (a great site for anyone interested in the screen trade http://www.wordplayer.com/columns/wp33.I.Love.LA.html) and have since conducted experiments on whether or not it exists, AND IT DOES.

With that being said…let’s get to our first segment, something I like to call “Star PuuP.”

McConaughey has really short arms.
http://cityrag.blogs.com/main/2006/10/matthew_mcconau.html

Beyonce’s new film “Mean Girls,” er I mean “Dreamgirls,” opens on Christmas, when learning of this scheduling Beyonce got mad at Jesus for stealing her thunder. SHE CAN’T SING, SHE CAN’T ACT, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!????

Does anyone remember Rev. Al Sharpton’s real prefix to his name “Tawana’s Pal Reverend Al?”

Why is this person famous?

My vote for Time’s Man of the Year (pending the release of an alleged sex tape and custody of his two kids):

AND NOW FOR SOME SPORTS NEWS:
It is being reported that the Mets are going after Barry Zito (http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2703384). As a diehard Mets fan I am going to send an open message to Mets GMOmar Minaya: WHAT THE F&^K IS MOTHERF*&#ING WRONG WITH YOU YOU DUMB &*^*%&^$$%$#$*. There is a corollary to this. The Mets signing Barry Zito would be the equivalent of going on a date with the prettiest girl in your high school after the captain of the football team knocked her up, hurt his knee, failed out of community college, and left said girl to care for the child all by her lonesome. She doesn’t look good any more and she is no longer willing to have carefree sex because the last time she did it stole her youth.

Barry Zito had ONE good year a few years ago and because the A.L. bats caught up to his throw the curve and pick-your-spots routine, his 85 mph fastball is no longer feasible when it comes to throwing the opposing hitter off of his proverbial game.