21 03 2007

Prepare yourselves for the second funny SNL sketch I have seen in years. You know it’s good because none of the performers can hold their shit together. They aren’t used to making people laugh so this definitely caught them off-guard.

Click here to watch.



21 03 2007

Hey folks. Hope you’ve been enjoying so far. And if you haven’t then go f^&% yourself.


A couple of things for today. Kristofer Dahl (sic) is a guitar master who can teach you to rock. Here’s a link to a free youtube lesson he gives on tapping (a la Eddie Van Halen). You can also look at some of the other links on that video. There’s an English dude named Gary who teaches more intricate tabs, but they are fun to learn and will make you sound a lot cooler when you go to Rock Walk Guitar Center on Sunset.

This guy is a great movie maker and a total douche bag. Take a look at this clip to see why.

So it’s that time of year where billions of dollars are lost due to worker slactivity. The time of year when Goliath inevitably crushes little David and the time of year whenI break-free from the shackles of my winter-long seasonal depression, except, oh no, wait a minute, MY SQUAD GOT DESTROYED IN ROUND 1. This some bullsh*$. Hardcore. Kevin Durant is gone, Greg Oden is 45, UCLA and Pitt make everyone play ugly, Kansas chokes come crunch-time, there has been an incredible paucity of amazing moments in this tourney and you know it’s bad when on the first day of games featured ZERO amazing highlights…They got beat out by hockey highlights for chrissakes.
My money’s on Texas A & M to make a push to the Final Four. They have the most clutch player in Acie Law IV.


13 03 2007

Saw ‘300’ on Sunday. Schwag. It was right-wing verbal masturbation. “We’ve got to fight them over there, so we don’t have to fight them over here. Freedom is not free.” The king does what he knows to be right as opposed to what the LAW says he must do. He acts without recognition of even the meaning of his actions.

Oh yeah, there are a bunch of bodybuilders in speedos who fight a bunch of Orks in a desert. Zack Synder is at least partially gay and a really bad writer to say the least. My favorite line is right after Captain’s son is decapitated (which made no sense to begin with: these guys are the best fighters in the world and 1 horseman has made it through the carnage and charging from 500 yards away and not only does the kid not turn around, but his buddy just gets out of the way and waits for the horseman to kill him…the fix is in) he has this little speech where he starts to cry and says “I never told him, that Iloved im’, now my heart is filled with hate.”

I like Gerard Butler. I have heard he is a nice guy and I know he is a good actor. This movie was so bad at times I just had to laugh. Although I did definitely enjoy myself, I think it was because this movie was just as bad (if not worse) than ‘Blade: Trinity.’ You know, the one where Wesley says “You think you ready to role with this?” Then he punched Halle Berry in the face and flew away before the tax man came to get him.

What ‘300’ lacked was Pacman Jones. I need more Pacman Jones sightings on the big screen and in my reality, otherwise I don’t know how I will be able to continue.


9 03 2007

…Or, we can dine at the Olive Garden!!!….I PREFER HELL!!!!

First and foremost, how that little girl Sanjaya could have been picked over Sundance is astonishing and appauling. Yes, they were both awful, but Sundance sang a better song “Jeremy,” and although he is clearly no Eddie, he was a lot better than Sanjaya’s awful rendition of the equally as awful “Waiting On The World To Change.”
Anyway, this guy says it better about Sanjaya than I ever could.
Did I mention that I don’t like John Mayer? The guy started smoking weed because ‘that’s what Eric Clapton did.’ And oh yeah, he looks at Playgirl, not because he likes dudes or anything, but just because he’s not supposed to have it. You sir, are officially a little punkass. Your guitar talents withstanding, I think you are just a lame attention whore, with a lame voice.

Antonella Barba Pics: 15’ll get you 20.
What’s surprising to me is not that she has taken these pictures. There’s nothing wrong with that. The crazy thing is that there are so many friggin photos of this girl. It’s like there is a magnet from her face to the lense of whomever’s camera is being shoved in her face. There is way too much unadulterated vanity in this culture and it’s typified by this girl’s CONSTANT stream of photos of…herself in various stages of her daily routine. Here’s her at a party (about to get date-raped) here’s her at another party (drinking a roofy colada). What kind of narcissicistic biatch takes that many photos? ANSWER: one who goes on American Idol.
Of course, when I heard there were “naughty” photos of this girl on the internet I was not even close to shocked. She’s from Jersey. If there were such a thing as a state-by-state goodwill ambassador, this girl would win for painting Jersey in a positive light. I mean, at least she firmed and perky (which is more than most of the Italian housewife’s from Jersey can say after popping out 4 sons, all of whom are named Frank). My point is simply this: Jersey sucks, the people there don’t know how to drive and they can’t differentiate a Monet from a powerline. That being said, it’s the wealthiest per-capita state in the nation (when you factor in all the unclaimed income from dirty cops, firemen, mob bosses, professional athletes, corporate whores, and other types of American scum) aside from Connecticut (Sons and Daughters of the American Revolution money). Of course this Antonella is from Jersey. Long Island was full.


1 03 2007
For any of you young scamps and whippersnappers out there who are interested in psychosocially behaviorally modifying the thoughts of women you’d like to bed…this post is for you.
I want you to take a look at this link. I must warn you however that these posts are quite provocative, and might not be suitable content for some of you self-indulgent foolios who hit a water hazzard and get in way over your heads. RESPEKT.
Here is something worth watching. Neil Strauss, author of “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists,” was recently on Jimmy Kimmel Live (or as I like to call him, the unfunny douche bag of the 21st century) at the same time as Jessica Alba. From the looks of it, Strauss is a total loser, but watch what he does to Alba throughout the course of his interview. Every move is calculated.


Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones was a top 10 pick in the 2005 NFL Draft after coming off a stellar senior season at West Virginia. Since being drafted, Jones has been connected to a string of VIOLENT crimes 8 times. 8 MOTHERF&^@ING TIMES! I point this out, because last weekend, ‘Pacman’ pulled a super-duper move and did the following:

Jones and his posse went to Vegas Strip Club Minxx over the NBA’s Allstar weekend. Jones had a wad of cash worth $81,000 and started throwing it around to strippers. When the strippers went to collect the money that was thrown at them, Jones got very upset and PUNCHED A STRIPPER IN THE FACE. A bouncer tried to restrain Jones, whose girlfriend stepped in and hit him over the head with a champagne bottle. Jones then BIT the bouncer around the ankle. Another bouncer came to the rescue, but not before Jones punched the same stripper in the face again. After some level of decorum was reached, Jones pointed to the bouncer who restrained him and said “I am going to kill you.” 20 minutes later the bouncer was shot 3 times as well as another innocent female patron. Now, nothing official has been done to Jones as of yet, who is being interviewed as a witness and not a suspect, but this man’s behavior is not only exemplary, it raises the bar for future NFL players and hopefuls to try and reach higher.
Don’t just have sex with the underaged prostitute. Make sure she’s dead first.
Don’t just DUI, make it count: make the influence in question PCP.
Don’t just kill, dismember.
Thank you ‘Pacman,’ you are an inspiration to us all.