17 04 2007

There’s nothing really funny to say about what has happened this week. At best, it should serve as a reminder that we are never safe, no matter how isolated we might feel at times. 33 dead, that’s the number of Americans killed in Iraq in the past 1 & 1/2 weeks. 33 , multiply that by 10 and you’ve got the number of people (the majority of whom are children) sold into slavery every single day. Terrible things happen to people all over the world in greater numbers than 33 every hour. So what makes this so much worse?…Maybe it’s not; maybe after all the talking-heads (myself included) have our “Jerry Springer’s Final Thoughts” on this situation we might have an answer. I doubt it, but maybe. For me, I will take a few things from this massacre-because that’s what it was: 1) The university could’ve better protected the students and it did not. VT chose not to do anything about this until it was too late to simply say “mea culpa.” 2) These kids were just trying to get an education to better themselves-enjoying many of the privileges that people my age are fighting for in Iraq right now. Someone goes to war in order to receive an education while someone else getting an education steps into class AND into the middle of a warzone…it just sucks. 3) And last of all, despite this, this is still the best country in the world. I in no way intend to mitigate the suffering of other generations of Americans, nor do I intend to quantify the atrocities that people have suffered, but in the past few years ALONE…ALONE, we as a nation have had to deal with the following: Katrina, Operation Cluster-fuck, Columbine, Columbia, Paducah, Jonesboro, 9/11, global-warming and every other thing that kids of my generation-the current generation have been forced to deal with…And despite all of this shit and despite the politicians who simply do not care about the citizenry (and I am not just talking about Republicans in this regard) this is still the best country in the world. Whoa is the world.

It’s something to think about before this happens again, and rest-assured, it will; America alone has enough psychopaths to destroy the world a million times over-you might even know some of these people, they could be your neighbors, lawyers, pharmacists, federally elected officials, etc, etc. A friend of mine was recently trying to quit smoking and I spoke to him yesterday as he was puffing away and spewing out the carbon dioxide effluvium back into the atmosphere. “What’s the point?” he said. “The way things are going, who knows if I will even make it to the age where I can get lung cancer?” He’s exactly right. We are not safe ANYWHERE and it would be fatuous to believe that guns are simply to blame: nay, it’s much more than that; something dark and insidious that cannot be squashed or nipped in the proverbial “bud.” The events that transpired in Blacksburg, Virginia were not a warning, they were a reminder…We are not safe, and probably, never will be.


20 gets you Chachi for 40 you get Fonzi.

16 04 2007

Listen to ‘Ocean’ by clicking here.

Listen to John Butler Trio’s ‘Ocean.’ It’s one of my top ten greatest songs of all-time. The others (in no particular order): Jimi Hendrix ‘Bold as Love’ [7 minute instrumental version], The Who ‘Baba O’Reilly,’ Massive Attack ‘Unfinished Sympathy,’ John Lennon ‘Watchin’ the Wheels’ [acoustic], A Tribe Called Quest ‘Jazz,’ Grover Washington, Jr. ‘Mr. Magic,’ Led Zeppelin [favorite band] ‘Good Times, Bad Times,’ Immortal Technique ‘The Point of No Return’ and AC/DC’s ‘Thunderstruck.’
“Remember, what the world will ask of you is courage.”

Robert McKee, famed screenwriting teacher
On that note, here’s another link to Wordplayer.com. A great screenwriting website. Do yourself a favor and read the very enjoyable and quite relatable COLUMNS section.
We’re back from a 12 day absence. Can’t say I didn’t miss you guys and, although I believe adverbs to be the devil, I honestly feel that I owe you guys some good stuff. Without further adieu, I give you the absolute greatest band in the world…Flight of the Conchords.

Here is a link to download their tunes for free…because paying to listen to music is wrong.
Here is a link to FoTC’s performance of “Jenny” during their HBO special.
Links to the following songs from the same special:
“Business Time” ***I don’t find this track to be nearly of the same caliber as the others.****
I guarantee you will love it. If you don’t, you will get herpes…trust me, you will.
“Have you ever noticed that people who are against abortion are people you wouldn’t want to FUCK anyways?”
– George Carlin

For any of you who have not seen Sir Ian McKellan on ‘Extras,’ I feel incredibly (yes, I know it’s another adverb, I needed it to enhance the gravity of the situation) sorry for you.

Because I care, and because you-you Princes of Maine, you Kings of New England deserve to laugh I am providing a link right….HERE.

Here is a link to the Patrick Stewart cameo.
Went to Park Hollywood on Saturday night. A truly “Hollywood Night,” as Bob Seger would say. Things were going great until douche-bagalow Zach Braff showed up and took our table. I enjoy the show ‘Scrubs,’ but I will never watch it again after suffering the injustices of Saturday. I remember a time when Dr. John Dorian was in a little movie called ‘Garden State,’ which made a lot of women cry. I thought it was okay-more of a quality student film than anything else, but Mr. Braff chose to follow that up with ‘The Last Kiss,’ which served as a veritable kiss-of-death for Mr. Braff’s burgeoning career.
Now, I like(d) Mr. Braff, he made male neuroses cool again in a much more realistic way than Woody Allen ever could-BUT because of my being forced out of my seat so he could chug Kristal, he earns a place in the Hall of Infamy: please note that the HOI is currently looking for a permanent home, if you know of any, contact me. First-ever inductees include: Pol Pot, Stalin, Hitler, and John Kerry (who I know is a dick).
***Before y’all get so hot and bothered that I didn’t include Bush, realize, it’s too easy and his mistakes are out of idiocy, not malignancy.
Spring Break, 2005. I hadn’t smoked in 3 months!!! I decided a trip to Amsterdam was just what I needed on Vacay. So I hit the coffee-shops; all the ones you’ve heard about and some you probably haven’t. All the interesting ones were playing the exact same thing: British rapper Roots Manuva. Some hip-hop mags have dubbed his song ‘Witness (One Hope)’ as the greatest hip-hop track of all-time and while I don’t know if I agree, this is definitely a cat worth checking out.
Link to Music Video for: ‘Witness (One Hope)’


5 04 2007


Take a look at this basketball clip. It’s absolutely hysterical.


Earl Weaver gets into a fight with an umpire in this hilarious clip.
I also have a speech in which a drunken Weaver proceeds to offend every type of ethnic group and minority on the planet. I look forward to posting that when I am able to handle the technology.
BREAKING NEWS: Earl Weaver is officially my favorite manager of alltime. Howard Cossell used to say that in order to be a major league manager you needed to be two things: white and drunk. Earl clearly has the latter part down. Take a look this clip after watching the first clip and you’ll see what I mean.